Wednesday, January 03, 2007

"PAT AND JOEL: BACK FROM WHEREVER THEY WERE (OR ARE THEY?)"


Pat?


Joel?


Oh jiminy, it's been a whole year now and no sign of Pat or Joel. Ever since Plastic Santa.... well, I sort of feel bad for turning tail like I did. Anyone would think I hadn't served in Korea. But that Santy Claus was one mean looking sumbitch. And now...

What am I going to do? Oh lordy, what can I do?


Hey, it's my RDO, get back to me later.


RDO? But it's not Sunday.


I'm Jesus. To me, every day is like Sunday. Like in that S. Patrick Morrissey song, "I'm the Oversized Head of the Cranium" or something.


I am familiar with S. Patrick Morrissey's back catalogue.


Yeah wells we don't talk about him to much at my joint, he's owned by the other side.


Like as in like Satan's team?


No, HBO.


Uh. Well that doesn't solve the problem vis a vis the disappearance of Pat and Joel for over a year.


Oh wait, there they are over there where they quite possibly have been all along.


Right well I feel like quite the ninny - WAAAAIIITTTT!!!



WHAT DID POPPYCOCK SEE?

TO FIND OUT YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT THRILLING INSTALLMENT OF "PAT AND JOEL: BACK FROM WHEREVER THEY WERE (OR ARE THEY?)" (working title only)

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A VERY KRUMPING CHRISTMAS

Hi Pat.
Hi Joel.

Well, here we are at the first and last annual Plastictown Krump-a-thon-

What's Plasticville?

Where we live.

That's a terrible name. How long has it been called that?

Since our founding fathers first set foot in these here parts.


Really? There you go.

Yes. Now today's contestants in this dance battle are: in one corner, Jesus.


Hoy.

And in the other corner (they're not really corners): Poppycock and Peekaboo who didn't have time to come up with a title for their clown group.


We've developed a shortlist of possible names.

Not good enough.


I got a lot on my mind, so I KRUMP KRU-

Woah! A little eager there Jeez. We're not ready to start yet.

Yes, we've had to follow a few guidelines so as to meet the requirements of our public insurance policy. Also there's the sponsors to consider.

To this end, we've brought in our good friend Safetyman to oversee the event. Hi Safetyman.

I too have my secrets.


What's he talking about?


I don't know. I do...not...know...

Anyway, who are you betting on?

Well, I've always favoured Jesus in the nine-yard split.

What the hell does that mean?

Not sure, I think it's from grid iron or badminton or something.


Well I also think that if you google "Jesus in the nine-yard split" ours is the only site that will appear.

This is very true. I wonder how often people will do that.


Can I interject here to say that, in my official capacity as safety officer for the first and last annual Plasticville Krump-a-Thon, I will be sitting behind this desk where it will be uncertain whether or not I am wearing pants.

Maybe we should just get started.


BOOM!


What was that?


It was like BOOM!


BOOM!

Yes, I heard it, and there it goes again!



BOOM!

I'm scared!

I'm mildly perturbed.

I'm ready to KRUMP! KRUMP! KRUMP!


Not so FAST!


Santa!

That's my name! And I'm here to bust your chops JC! I've had enough of people using you to ruin the spirit of Christmas! ROOOAAAARRRR!!!


Oh no! Who will save Christmas?!?!


My bet's on Safetyman.

NEXT: WILL SANTA AND JC SQUARE OFF? WHO WILL WIN? WHO IS SAFETYMAN ANYWAY?